


beautiful goodbye (but not to us)

by tsukinoko



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, And a bit of humor, Astrological elements here and there, Basically domestic boyfriends but not officially, Childhood Friends, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mostly because Yuta thinks too much, Secret Crush, They are messy but we love them, a bit of slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25513591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukinoko/pseuds/tsukinoko
Summary: Sometimes, before gradually falling for the right person, you have to withstand the hardships with people, who are not really meant for you. Ten can tell you all about it and how he missed the fact the person was already there. Enter Yuta, who just wants to find out why his mind is going on an overdrive every time his best friend is around, reminiscing half of his life until Ten's current boyfriend spells it out for him.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40
Collections: Yuta Fic Fest 2019-2020





	beautiful goodbye (but not to us)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Yuta Fic Fest 2019-2020♥  
> To the Prompter of #YP07: Hi♥
> 
> Second time participating in a Fic Fest! Considering this story went through a lot, I'm glad it still got to face the finishing line☺
> 
> Shoutout to my beta-reader @angelsouls, who despite short notice overlooked it all, corrected, gave suggestions and kept checking on me during the writing process: you're the sweetest, thank you so much!♥ Also, big thanks to my friendo @gwiyeopseumnida, who brainstormed with me on this and offered suggestions/corrections too, dealing with my panicky ass on the last days😄
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> P.S. If you want to put some music as a background while you read, I would recommend Chen's 1st Mini Album 'April, and a flower' 😉🌿

* * *

_“These mates have keen insight into one another’s minds and hearts.”_

* * *

Yuta squinted at the bright morning sunlight as he looked towards the windows. He loved the sun – but he would also appreciate it not wanting to blind him during this time of the day. And, if Ten did not go and _ruin_ their curtains with his ‘amazing’ washing skills, leaving the windows curtainless.

“Yu-chan?” Speaking of the devil.

Yuta turned his head around, addressing his long-time best friend and apartment sharing individual with still not the best chore abilities, “Yeah, Ten?”

Ten was smiling at him sheepishly as he walked inside their living-room cautiously. The sunlight fell onto him now, too, adoring his blonde locks and catching onto his glasses, “If you’re done cursing me for those curtains in your head, can you tell me how’s my horoscope looking for today?”

Yuta gave him a pointed look, but it was obvious he was suppressing a smile; it was nearly impossible to get mad at Ten for something as silly as their curtains and it did not help that the younger man looked quite lovely illuminated by the sun like that. A small throb settled under Yuta’s skin and he nodded, instead turning to look at his laptop on the coffee table, which was pulled close.

Usually, when something required a horoscope check-up, it was a serious deal. Some might find it stupid, to depend on some cosmic energy, which ‘decided’ your fate every day, week and so on, but sometimes, this kind of check-up was wanted just for extra reassurance. Or, well, to make you panic more, if it turned out to be a bad day by the stars.

Honestly, Nakamoto Yuta did not really dig this stuff – but when living with Ten, you had no other choice but to occasionally engage into it. If the situation was of major importance—like today—the important tab, saved in Yuta’s bookmarks, had to be unleashed with a tap on the mousepad.

“Let’s see. Pisces. First place in chart today. Your lucky item and colour are… well, Japanese sweets and green.” Yuta looked back at Ten, who was now leaning on the back of their couch with his forearms, listening, and noted how his friend had not a single detail in green. Ten must have read Yuta’s mind, because he frowned.

“I don’t have any green.” He said. Yuta leaned back in his seat.

“If it calms you, you can take my green earrings.” Ten grinned.

“Great, then I’m all set!”

Yuta gave Ten a puzzled look, as if silently asking with what lines from the sky would Ten connect a Japanese sweet in front of himself for luck, since they ended those just the other night and needed to restock their snack cupboard. Maybe he will buy some on his way? Before the older of the two could even do as much as open his mouth to voice his thoughts out, Ten leaned over to Yuta and soundly placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Since you’re my number one sweetie~” Ten had the audacity to _giggle_ at his very relatable sugary joke and at Yuta’s dumbstruck expression, “Thanks for the blessings, now I’m ready to conquer the world!”

Yuta placed his hand onto his cheek, tinted red. He tried to ignore the throb, that seemed to move quicker than before, “I thought it was Kun?” The man called to Ten, who he heard shuffling away by the time he was finally able to speak. While Yuta closed the astrology site, he heard Ten laugh somewhere from the hallway or his room – Yuta was not really sure or that much focused.

“Of course, he is, but of a different kind!”

Albeit Ten said it brightly, Yuta knew it was because he was trying to look past his own uneasiness. After all, the reason why Ten checked for his horoscope today, was because of his upcoming talk with Kun, his boyfriend. And he will need all of his strength for it. The hidden nervousness Ten felt added to Yuta’s own jumbled emotions because _something_ was going on with those and Yuta was yet to put a finger on what exactly. Since when did things so mundane between them became a ball of fuzz for Yuta especially, examples being how Ten looked, what he did to Yuta specifically? It felt wrong, at a time like this. Partly, Yuta was glad Ten was leaving for the day, because maybe then he will manage to figure himself out. Figure out—since when did all of this strangeness in him start?

While grading some papers, that is, since nobody cancelled his work routine yet. And maybe check if those curtains dried, too. Maybe also go grocery shopping, since Yuta felt like it was not the right thing to ask Ten to do that later. Ah, means he will also need to cook… No, he was not about to postpone his inner analysis _again_.

“Yu-chan? You good?”

Ten was poking his head from around the corner, bright green sparkles dangling from his ears. Yuta knew he could try talking to Ten about his strange emotions _if_ it did not primarily concern his best friend. The older man realized, that telling Ten ‘no, you make me feel kinda weird’ sounded way off no matter the time circumstances and it was best Yuta figure it out himself, first, or at least think of a proper way to voice it. Now, the Japanese man smiled, nodding.

“Yes, just creating a list in my mind of stuff I need to do today.”

“Oh great, can you add one thing on my behalf??” Yuta rolled his eyes, because _of course_ and Ten was quick to pout, “Hey now! If you remember, I was sorting out some things from the storage room and just wanted to ever so kindly ask you to throw out what I labelled as shit and put the rest back in place.”

Yuta pinched the bridge of his nose, “Is today even the day for that labelled shit of yours?”

“Yes! That’s why I’m asking! I don’t want to get into any more arguments with that auntie from across the road,” Yuta snickered at the memory and Ten flipped him off.

“Fine, but don’t hold me responsible if I accidentally throw out the wrong things.”

Ten’s fingers almost slipped into a finger heart, grateful, but then he flipped Yuta off again, “I hope the crows eat you on the way.”

Yuta laughed, waiving Ten off, “Just go already, or you will miss the train. I will take care of it. I will make something, so don’t be late for dinner, if you’re coming for it. Pass Kun best wishes from me.”

Yuta missed the look Ten gave him as the dark-haired man turned away to address a set of papers on the coffee table, beside his laptop. They were both jumping around and not speaking up straight about the case of Ten’s mindset for today, but somehow, Ten felt glad Yuta was not judging him or anything of that sort. He just went along and possibly waited for Ten or the outcome of today’s talk. “Yeah, okay,” The blonde replied, but realizing how put off his voice sounded, added in a cheery tone, “And don’t forget to feed Haruto!”

Yuta nodded, “Good luck!” He shouted in Japanese when Ten had almost left the apartment. In reply he got a loud ‘thank you!’ in the same language, before Yuta was left completely alone, bathing in the morning sun. Well, if not counting their sleeping cat, Haruto, most likely in Ten’s room.

It was peaceful, the sound of the clock ticking, the scribbling of Yuta’s pen as he checked if his students answered good, bad, middle-ground, counting the total points. Something eerie settled in the pit of Yuta’s stomach halfway through the papers and he stopped abruptly in the middle of circling the right answer for his student. No, it was not the realization, that the kid—Yuta worked in a private senior high-school as a language teacher—could still not differ the given Kanji in the question. In fact, it was alright, the student would get to it eventually. No, this realization was graver, hitting Yuta like a truck.

Ten went out to see Kun, so he could propose the idea of halting their relationship. And Yuta, Yuta felt _nothing_ about it, if only the tiny bit of gladness, even. Gladness, that his best friend did not feel like continuing the relationship with a man, who was probably ready to give him the moon if requested. _Fuck_ , what was wrong with Yuta? Since when he started feeling like this over Ten breaking up with someone, no less a good man like Kun? Putting the pen down, Yuta rubbed his face, trying to calm down the sudden panic, that perhaps he should have talked to Ten more about it and stopped him from stopping the relationship. The dark-haired man understood where his friend was coming from with such a decision and his reasoning was valid, but… Yuta sighed, loudly. Was he really thinking for Ten and Kun’s behalf now or his own? Pretty sure it was these strange feelings, bottled up inside him, that were making Yuta think funny shit, except it was not funny at all, it was leading to him going insane.

Pushing aside the papers and standing up, Yuta figured a change of scenery would help him calm down and just stop thinking for a moment. Or, at least, find a way to start thinking properly. Yuta would be embarrassed to find out he accidentally did a mistake, while grading with his mind preoccupied with something else than Japanese grammar, so he better do a double-check of those tests later, too. For now, the lean man entered Ten’s room to grab the things his friend wanted to throw out.

Just like Yuta guessed correctly earlier, Haruto was sprawled on Ten’s bed like it owned the place, and the human for not the first time wished, he could be as calm as their sleeping, fluffy cat and not give two cents about anything but food and affection. Shooting one last jealous glance at the cat, Yuta spotted the obviously labelled ‘trash’ bags at the corner of Ten’s room, along with a medium-sized box of what the man assumed were the things still necessary for his friend. Deciding to take care of that box first, then go on and take out the trash—maybe then also walk to the supermarket—Yuta leaned down to grab onto it.

Halting in lifting the box, Yuta noticed a vaguely familiar thing under the loosely covered lid. Squatting down, Yuta opened the box properly—usually, he was not one to snoop around, but at this point of friendship with Ten, Yuta knew basically everything about his friend and they often tended to share things. This right here, what came to be a dark purple album, the cover looking way too old, only proved it. Yuta recognized it fully now and when he opened the first page, a smile grew on his lips.

Ten loved photography and Yuta loved memories. It could go vice-versa, like also depending which side of the album you would open as it may either lead you down the memory line until your childhood or recent times. Yuta began it at the past, opening to a photograph of him and Ten still in kindergarten. Both were captured playing in a sandbox, smiling like their faces would split in half, so happy at the idea of baking sand cakes. If you did not know better, you would barely recognize them. In tiny, similar overalls, dirty hands and faces, the only distinguishing features about them here would be the fact Ten had a huge star clipped on his front, while Yuta had a kitty on his and also held onto a dog plushie. Haruto, by the way, in case anyone wonders who was behind the idea of naming their cat.

Yuta chuckled, suddenly remembering how Ten was the troublemaker, that used to get into his personal space, selecting him as his ‘best playmate’ and calling him ‘pretty’ ever so often. Ten denies doing it now, embarrassed by his childish actions. All in all, it was partly thanks to that persistent clinginess and Yuta’s actual loneliness – _why were other kids avoiding me, is it because I talked to my Haruto plushie?_ – that made the two inseparable, making their parents and siblings good acquaintances along the way, too. _Ten was probably the only one who thought that I had some cool superpowers._

Yuta did not even notice how he started flipping through the album pages slowly, thinking of every backstory in the pictures he encountered. Forgetting the bags he needed to take care of, the young man sat down on the floor, legs outstretched before him. Somewhere between junior and senior high memories, Haruto the cat came to sit beside him and Yuta reached out to pet it. As he did so, he did not take his eyes from the captured moments, which came alive in his mind and either made him smile or cringe. Did Yuta really look _that_ intimidating in senior high? No wonder, that back in day, when he played football, the other players would scatter out of his way, when he had the ball.

While Yuta engaged in football and literature— _manga counted, right?—_ Ten dedicated his past-school time to dance classes as well as learning how to read the sky. Not literally, per se, but as Yuta recalled, it was in the beginning of senior high, that Ten suddenly became fascinated with astrology and decided, that on one especially starry night, he would like to observe and connect the dots for zodiac constellations. And from that moment, the dynamic in their glued together duo shifted.

The pictures, varying till that moment of them sitting together during class, them eating some newly discovered food, going to and out of school, them at their leisure activities and so on, started involving other people. Do not get it wrong, Yuta and Ten, of course, had other friends besides themselves— _Ten always pulled in other foreigners to our squad, the social butterfly—_ the major factor over here was that somewhere back at that precious moment of stargazing, Ten met gazes with Johnny Suh. And that was how the dynamics shifted – it started involving Ten’s love interests.

Yuta stared at the picture of him, Ten and Johnny all grinning in a messy hug. Johnny was the tallest of them all from the right, his height the perfect quality for the basketball player that he was, Yuta on the left with a bandage on his cheek from practice and freshly pierced ears back then— _ah, I did look like a delinquent—_ and Ten squished in between them, pierced ears, dyed hair, huge glasses on the tip of his nose— _cannot compare to Ten, though._

A longing settled in Yuta’s chest, longing for those times when everything was so youthful and easy, fun and filled with pink dreams. Yuta might have looked like the ‘bad boy’ type of guy, but he really was not—besides studying hard, he remembered looking at Ten and Johnny and thinking: _wow, so that is how an ideal relationship looks_. Up until now, Yuta had always stayed single. Johnny was Ten’s first proper love and first beautiful relationship that Yuta really admired, being the soft romantic that he is till now.

Perhaps, that is why Ten still had a lot of Johnny’s pictures saved. Flipping page after page, Yuta found himself submerged in Ten’s glowing expressions, twinkling eyes like the stars he continued to love to observe and affection, lots of affection directed at his previous significant other. Johnny completed Ten perfectly; they had been a good match, both humorous and creative, with similar hobbies and worries and most of all, always so much of love for each other, it was almost _too perfect_ to be true.

Was Yuta jealous back then of what his friends had? Most definitely, but good-naturedly. Yuta recalled thinking, _if Ten is the happiest like this, then I’m also happy_ and that was all that mattered. He did not care, if he needed to listen for hours of Ten going on about what Johnny did then and how he scored perfect three-points, or how each day Ten discovered something new in his and Johnny’s compatibility, as well as synastries. It was beautiful, a person in love.

_“Are you not afraid he will forget you?” Sicheng, a new student, whom Yuta was assigned to help with the Japanese language, asked him during one of their meetups. The two just saw Ten and Johnny walk out of the school together through a window. “You know how it happens, blinded by love to the point that best friends and others are forgotten or pushed aside.”_

_Yuta snorted, looking Sicheng in the eye, dead-serious, “I know Ten since we were 5. He would rather leave his pants behind than forget to grab my hand.”_

If Yuta was to be asked what kind of Ten he liked the best, rather than saying _all of him_ like most best friends would, he would mention these two moments: little Ten and Ten at the period of being in love. Since it pretty much summed up Ten as a whole, anyways.

Yuta chuckled, imagining Ten yelling at him for this and turned yet another page of the album. Haruto was quietly purring, while laying across his leg and it was comfortably warm like this, just reminiscing of the good old times and what would it be like, if everything stayed as before, without Ten and Johnny breaking up at the end of their senior high. It was a shame, a shattered model-like couple, but then again, love was part of the uncontrollable life sequences.

Yuta stared blankly at the single photo that was left untouched during the raging storm that his best friend had once become, sad and regretful, sick of his own self as he tore at the pictures, that he had tried to collect in hopes of establishing something new. And yet, Lee Taeyong was something entirely different. Yuta knew, that unless Ten had managed to somehow secretly save one more memory of Taeyong, this photo before him was the only evidence the guy had even existed in the first place. For a few upcoming pages, the album was blank and Yuta did not blame Ten for not having the mental energy to replace the rest of the photographs accordingly. The blankness somehow showed the emptiness that had created for some time after everything.

Ten met Taeyong while still in a happy and healthy relationship with Johnny, or so Yuta thought. It was during those dance competitions, that this picture before Yuta’s eyes had been taken, Ten standing proudly on the stage with a secured first place and flowers in his hands as Taeyong stood beside him with a second place and another guy Yuta did not remember the name of as third. The guy and Ten were smiling the brightest, even some tears evident in their eyes, while Taeyong had only a small smile on his lips, sharp facial features unreadable if he was really happy or disappointed.

Yuta remembered clearly what kind of emotions he felt, when later on after that competition, Ten had announced he is breaking up with Johnny – _surprise, confusion, anger, disappointment, why would Ten destroy something so precious, his happiness, too? Was he the naïve one for wishing for more with the new guy, or me, because I wished for my favourite couple to last longer than that?_ What comes after pink clouds fade always hurts and it hurt to understand, that what Yuta initially thought was the main one of his best friend’s happiest things was not the happy sphere anymore.

_“It’s after Johnny started speaking of our future together after school, all smiles and hopes, and plans, that I understood,” Ten muttered quietly, while sitting before his best friend, “That I fell out of love.” The teen looked into Yuta’s dark eyes, who was looking at Ten as if that was impossible with everything being so good between the two. Ten felt that, so he gripped Yuta’s hand, “I have been feeling like I was lacking in regards to John lately. You know he loves me unconditionally and will most likely continue to, right, despite how chaotic I can appear? And yet here I am, unable to reply with the same to him. I feel like this moment with him, it’s ending. And the best I can do is let go until it’s not too late and just… start over.”_

Falling out of love seemed like that kind of curse, where in the moment together you are in love, but you just cannot feel the love later on by yourself for the both of you, where the need to continue the moment a step further seems like too much of a burden. It is where you may still care and be fond of the person, but cannot seem to have that unconditional need to somehow please them back as they ever so sweetly do to you. It is when the attraction fades like the soft pink clouds and only blank cloudless sky appears in the horizon. Or in Ten’s case—a line was drawn, but at the end, a spark showed up and that spark was Taeyong, to whom Ten felt attracted more than when being in a relationship with Johnny.

Later on, Ten, just like Yuta, would wonder what would have happened, if he stayed with Johnny and actually tried pushing on, rather than just stopping and leaving. For a young mind, best case scenario for something uncomfortable is to run away. Ten ran after he explained everything to Johnny and even if the gentle soul of a then ex-boyfriend felt saddened to be left by his love, he also felt no prejudice towards Ten’s actions, because ‘ _such is life’, said Johnny, ‘I can’t force you’—_ _and Ten cried, cried while kissing his cheek one last time and parting ways with him, cried as he arrived at my doorstep, cried because he did not want that stupid Aquarius ass to feel lonely for long while eating ice-cream and cried because synastry felt like a scam and ‘oh my God, Yu-chan, I’m acting like a true Pisces right now, please slap me’._

The new spark came in a form of Cancer on the astrological scale, out of the usual comfort zone, unfamiliar and quite out of reflex—from a side, a description partly explaining Ten himself, too, which makes it easier to understand why he and Taeyong ‘clicked’ at first. Something back then told Yuta, that while his best friend tried out this new relationship, that this one scenario will not end up on a positive note as the one with Johnny did – the three still occasionally contact each other.

It proved right as Yuta now went back and forth between these few blank pages of the album as if invisibly painting the missing photographs into their places and then imagining what was going on behind them. In this one, he was introduced to Taeyong way too soon after Johnny, there they all had dinner, in that one Yuta went to see Taeyong and Ten dance, this one included them studying, Yuta also recalled there were a few sweet photos of just the couple, but if thinking more about it… yeah, it really were just those few moments, before his best friend stared slowly fading away from his happy self, getting caught into a self-conscious and unhappy shell, which scared teen Yuta. The man now frowned, moving to sit cross-legged and therefore waking Haruto from his fourth nap that morning as those memories Ten ripped apart indeed left a bitter taste inside Yuta’s mouth – it was the moments after Taeyong and Ten’s breakup that he wished to forget the most, now gripping the album tightly.

Surely, Taeyong was not a bad person fundamentally, if mature Yuta now thought about it, while staring at Taeyong’s figure in the single photo, left just because it contained a memory more important than this man in it. Ten did want to crop him out, but Yuta stopped him – _enough is enough, you cannot erase everything you did, moreover, why damage something you actually are proud of doing?_ Before all Hell broke loose, the couple did try to make it work endlessly so it would be just more than an impulsive relationship caused by ‘cosmic energy’— _hormones—_ containing at first only friendly bickers and remarks, which later had blown into full-on arguments over what seemed just silly stuff with sudden contrasting personalities and the worst of all—jealousy and distrust being involved, too. Was Taeyong really worth it all, for Ten to lose sleep, barely finish school and barely get into a decent university along Yuta like he initially planned, just because he was so emotionally drained? Not really, well, in Yuta’s mind, but then again, Ten and Taeyong parted on similar vibes—they both gave up on the relationship and each other all together when it had finally reached the unbearable point, where staying together any longer would seem just plain _stupid_ , where no more excuses or the little holding on love worked anymore.

Despite it being mutual and Yuta had no idea how Taeyong suffered through his share, the crying mess of his best friend, who had impulsively ripped and threw things and then proceed to cut and dye his hair to ‘make it better’ was enough to convince the Japanese man that Ten’s second ex-boyfriend might have gone through something similar. Partly because Taeyong might have also been angry at himself for impulsively jumping into a relationship that looked like the right thing to do, but failed. Thank God Ten had managed to only snip a small part of that hair, too, before Yuta had snatched the scissors away—even if the two were basically joined by the hip since kindergarten, the sight of Ten breaking down so hard for the first time horrified him; he never wished to see it again.

Taeyong was not Johnny and never would have gotten to be—what seemed like a spark back then, full of sweetness and pleasure had flamed up with many insecurities, pessimism and moodiness from both parties, which eventually burned down everything. The comparison was almost drastic to the times in senior high and it was regretful and almost shameful when after having his breakdown, Ten had found himself thinking of crawling back to his first love, back to comforting space, after himself giving it away. But at that point—even if Yuta believed Johnny would have given it a thought—it was impossible because Johnny had moved after graduating school, anyways.

 _“Johnny loved me too much, Taeyong didn’t love me enough,” Ten had mumbled one late evening randomly in Yuta’s dorm room while scrolling on his laptop._ _His illuminated face made him look like a ghost, and the circles under his eyes were alarming, “And I, I wasn’t able to love neither of them fully. What does it make me?... is there even a ‘just right’?”_

Yuta closed the album, unable to continue looking through the next pictures as this memory of Ten seemingly asking into the space if everything is ever going to be 'just right for him or will he back off again' made his heart clench. He was going to back-off again, today, maybe right about now and just like all the previous times, like an aftermath Yuta felt immense sadness for his friend. No words could help if Ten was simply not happy with was going on. The third time was considered to be the charm, but was it really? Maybe it was a lie like all the compatibilities Ten tried? But then again, everything had two-sides or even more, some got lucky, some struggled, some were Ten… just not lucky, just not finding the right person for themselves, despite being a wonderful person inside-out themselves. If Yuta could, if he had the power, he would find that person for his best friend…

Yuta snapped back to Earth as Haruto meowed loudly, looking at the cat still ever so present beside him. The blue silver tabby with piercing green eyes stared into the deeps of Yuta’s soul and it was almost intimidating how it seemed to want something from his owner (slave, let us be honest), but food and affection were not exactly it. Yuta frowned, cocking his head to the side as an inquiry for Haruto to give a hint what it wanted. The cat stood up at the move, breaking the eye-contact once to touch Yuta’s knee with its paw and then looking back into Yuta’s eyes. After a few more seconds of intense stare-off with the cat, Yuta’s dark brown eyes suddenly widened as he quickly looked around for the clock. Shit, he was about to miss the collecting time for garbage in their neighbourhood! That was why Yuta really should not have been left alone with his thoughts or he would lose track of reality’s tasks.

Jumping up and scaring Haruto and, making both of his knees crack and the muscles whine from the sudden stretch, Yuta moved fast to grab the trash bags— _what the hell, what did Ten get rid of, rocks??—_ and then quickly ran towards the apartment’s door, cursing. The old album was left on the floor hastily, fully in Haruto’s care as the cat plopped down on it, yawning, as it looked at the doorway the human just dashed out through. An idiot, if you also wanted Haruto’s opinion on the topic.

* * *

When Qian Kun came into the picture of Ten’s world, it was first in a form of a favour. A convenient one, as Ten later explained to Yuta, one asking of a collaboration between a musician and a designer, both wanting to receive a good grade in their finals. In short, Kun needed a design for his composed track for it to be complete, Ten needed to think of something special to present as his original serious work for his teachers. It was a bit strange for someone as responsible and well-mannered as Kun to choose someone as Ten, who was the embodiment of a chaotic student, who barely met deadlines and lived off coffee. If Yuta recalled correctly, the first time the pair spoke, Ten wanted to flip Kun off so hard, he actually needed to hold down his fingers. Just who was _that_ serious about university, anyways? Well, Yuta was, but Yuta also had the best friend’s card, therefore Ten tolerated his tendencies.

The collaboration was, to put it easily, a mess as predicted. Out of all memorable university life adventures with Ten, one of Yuta’s personal favourites was the one when he got dragged right before curfew to a nearby convenience store to help out in figuring how the printer there worked faster because his best friend _just then_ realized they did not have that shit in the dormitory.

The night before his own exam.

If the calm Kun Yuta got to know of had flipped Ten off after everything, he would have totally understood the guy. But surprisingly, he did not—after both of their exams had been finished and passed, the guy asked Yuta’s best friend out.

It, once again, opened a new Ten Yuta had not seen before—it was not the first time someone tried to ask his friend out after Taeyong, all of the offers being straight out rejected due to healing and disinterest, but this time Ten _panicked_ and that was both a sight and a sign. It felt like ages, seeing Ten prepare for dates, asking what colours were his lucky on those days, what place in the line Pisces stood – it felt like everything was back in place, how it was used to be before the bump in the road, or, for a change of words, in the sky. And Yuta smiled all along.

Though, the Japanese man had to admit—he did feel slight fear for his best friend once more getting in a relationship which was the actual definition of opposites attract. Will it be a good one, not escalating into backs being turned on each other? Remembering the fact Kun and Ten actually get to know each other before becoming a couple calmed Yuta down, but not to the point he was ready to let go of his protection over Ten, even if Kun appeared like a really friendly and fun person to be with on their first official meeting. And as the new couple progressed, it was fun to watch when they started rubbing off at each other, exchanging habits, nags and happiness.

Or so Yuta thought, yet again.

Just like getting over Taeyong and his regrets, Ten took time returning to collecting happy moments into their album. Yuta was pretty sure Ten was not going to delete Kun from it because the relationship literally had no flaws or outside reasons for a halt. _Too perfect_ again? More like too domestic, like the two had been married for the past twenty years, just that much of a feel and comfort it had brought. And yet, Ten wanted a break. Something, probably what he had experienced and feared before had him thinking, that _what if this one is not right, too?_ Kun felt way too much like a remedy, even if Ten looked like he was fine, but everyone had their dark moments. When Yuta listened to everything Ten had to say about his relationships before making the important and changing steps, he really felt like he did not know his best friend at all.

But maybe because this time around, Yuta also did not understand himself anymore, too, so who he was to talk about others?

The place he was at now, however, was really not suitable for all of those thoughts as a voice asked, “Yuta-san? Are you still with us?”

Yuta blinked and the sudden wave of pull went through him, allowing him to return to the present times from his zoom out. Music and badly out of tact singing voices rushed into his ears, nostrils filled with different scents, dark brown eyes adjusting to the people in the front, bright screen, darkness with a few colourful lights here and there – ah, right, they were out to the karaoke.

Smiling sheepishly, Yuta turned to face Kun, who was sitting with him at the table while the other three of their little gang of five hollered their throats dry, “Sorry, got lost on the road of thought, did I miss anything?”

Kun chuckled, as he mentioned with his hand to their drinks, “I think you were still there when Sicheng pronounced the song’s title completely wrong and when Mark pulled the high-note,” Yuta cringed and Kun laughed, “But in all honesty, I just wanted to toast and drink with someone.”

Yuta instantly reached for the bottle of sake and aimed at Kun’s glass with the utmost care, “To what are we drinking, Kun-dono?” The man mentioned became slightly flustered at the honorific, but played along, raising his glass while Yuta filled his own.

“Hm, how about to better times?” Yuta met gazes with Kun and his own glass as the younger man smiled, “That whatever bothers us, finally settles down and we may be able to move on.” Mark’s voice cracked in the background, followed by uncontrollable laugher from Ten, and Kun frowned, “And to peace, too.”

Yuta grinned, clinking glasses with Kun, “To better, peaceful times.” As they drank, some upbeat song began, then Ten shouting that he knew it, while pushing both Mark and Sicheng out of the way. When the ‘oldest’ of the trio forgot how the first Kanji of the song was spelt, the other two clowned him for his knowledge and Yuta and Kun could not do anything more but to just sigh. Sometimes, it was really hard to play the roles of caretakers in this strange group of people just because they were the oldest—their newest addition was named Mark Lee, who had come from the same department as Kun, and was still a student like Sicheng, similarly chaotic like Ten, extremely talented in languages and music, as if a missing puzzle piece to their group—but then again, if they ever gave up and let, for example, take said Mark and Ten the lead of this group, the group would appear in the nearest police station in mere minutes.

When Ten had called it a break between him and Kun, it had also slipped his mind that this annual, friendly meetup of theirs has been coming up and the place was already booked, schedules cleared. Acting like they did not know each other in front of Sicheng and Mark so suddenly without proper, prior notice, would just be awkward and not the fun all of them were looking forwards to.

That is why, just for this evening, Ten and Kun had decided to stay the way they were before and call it a rest tomorrow to save the uncomfortable situation that might ensure. But to be honest, in Yuta’s eyes, who had known and now was aware of the decision, it was obvious that something looked off between the pair. Kun was more silent, his eyes lingering on Ten as if the man had taken his last drop of water. And Ten, Ten was less affectionate than usual, vocally and physically, and when he looked at Kun for too long, it seemed like those orbs held immerse guilt. But so far outside of the informative side, neither Sicheng or Mark had suspected anything wrong.

“Hyung,” Kun addressed Yuta properly this time, in a language all of them had bonded over, and the man in question hummed, glancing at Kun as he had been watching Ten sing before his companion spoke, “Do you think we did it for the better, taking a break?” The younger man asked quietly, so that Yuta actually had to lean closer to his side to hear it due to all the singing and music.

The question made Yuta think for a moment as he at first looked at Kun silently and looked back at Ten. He had been thinking so much lately because of that anew discovered album, of the past in it and the present now, it looked like his mind will likely be set on fire soon. And yet, he still had to find some time to squeeze in to think of himself finally and not only others.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” Yuta finally sighed, leaning back in his seat. He glanced between Kun’s calm face and Ten’s back again, “There were so many times I thought it was for the better, because it involved Ten’s happiness, but then said person would come in and share his real concerns and insights with me and it would completely change my thinking. Like, _I really oversaw or allowed that?_ But then again, it was and is not my life or relationship to decide upon. Ten is just like that – when he feels like something is off, he just backpedals, sometimes recklessly, sometimes after giving it a lot of thought.” Here, Yuta nailed Kun with a look, who understood what or who Yuta meant with those words, “Believe me when I say, that Ten really thought on this one. And that you did, too, given the fact you agreed.”

Under the inquiring look, Kun nodded, “I had a feeling we both misunderstood each other in regards to what kind of love we felt for each other. I feel selfish for understanding it sooner than Ten did, but still keeping it silent in hopes, until he himself spoke out, and for that I’m sorry. I could have saved us both so much trouble…” Kun bowed his head down shamefully, unable to face Yuta, but the said man was quick to nudge Kun’s shoulder, so he would raise it again. Yuta’s gaze was serious, but there was no disappointment or hate behind it. In fact, the man smiled at Kun.

“I understand but don’t write yourself off so soon. It’s just the break between you two now and if Ten was the one to suggest it, which he had never done before, I think he feels there might be hopes too, just like you did.” Just at that moment Ten finished his performance, loudly demanding applause, and Yuta grinned more, clapping and looking back at his best friend, “And just like in the beginning, I sincerely wish for the universe or whatever there is to finally work out its magical trick and bring you two happiness.”

Kun looked at Yuta for a few silent seconds, before finally smiling back. It was when the other man had reached for some water, that Kun added, as if an afterthought, while the trio not so far bickered over the next song, “You really care for Ten, don’t you?”

Yuta snorted at the obvious question, almost rhetorical, answering right before taking a sip of the cool liquid, “Yeah, but sometimes I feel like it’s not enough and that I’m doing something wrong in my role as a best friend. Maybe I should write an _ema_ or something.”

Kun laughed, “Maybe you should just consider another role.” He joked.

Yuta chuckled, “Any suggestions?”

It was still supposed to be an ongoing joke, or it was supposed to finish right there. As Yuta moved his wrist, making the water in his glass twirl, and watched as Ten hugged both Sicheng and Mark, swinging side-to-side with them as they kept going in turns to sing a what seemed like an emotional song. The man even forgot Kun was there for a moment, until he suddenly spoke:

“I know what’s wrong with you.”

Yuta turned his head back to face Kun and was greeted with what looked like a mix of both realization and shock on his face. It made Yuta frown. Were they not joking around just a minute ago, or was this Kun acting? “What do you mean?”

Kun’s stare reminded Yuta of Haruto, when the cat had stared at him on that day he went through the album, and it honestly freaked the man out a bit. The similar comparison between the two made Yuta shudder internally, taking a mouthful of his water reflexively to cleanse the image out of his mind.

“You’re in love with Ten.”

Whatever in the world Yuta had seriously expected from Kun was definitely _not this_ as the guy straight-out spat his drink out, looking at Kun like he had just headlined the most breaking news of his whole life. The reaction startled Kun, not expecting neither it, neither the blatantly voiced own thoughts. If what, he almost looked as shaken from the sentence as Yuta did, considering that did not sound like a suspicion or a playful joke one bit, but a bold fact, underlining a confrontation Kun never expected to do on Yuta, but he just sort of… did?

And it shocked him even more, that Yuta had never considered such a possibility.

“I am what?!” Yuta croaked, coughing at the end of his sentence and Kun rushed to offer him some tissues and pat his back. Absurd, this was absurd.

“I’m really sorry, I don’t know what came over me, it’s just—” Kun jumbled out and then stopped speaking overall, his hand stilling on Yuta’s back. It was when Yuta had calmed down, that he continued on, after taking a deep breath, “Hyung, I will just be honest with you, it really looked… _looks_ like that. Your constant care and the feel you want to do more… I think what you mean, without understanding it, is _be more_ and I see it in your look. I know, because I give Ten a similar one.”

“What the hell are you saying…” Nobody heard, but an alarm went off in Yuta’s head and it was topping all of his thoughts in general, to the point it hurt. His insides, the constant throbbing however, they felt like _thriving_ all of a sudden and Yuta did not like it. “You realize how crazy that sounds, what it makes me?”

The bubbling anger from his companion made Kun pull away from him and before he could reply, their little commotion had seemingly brought in spectators, because Ten spoke from behind them, “Hey, is everything okay over here?” Turning around, Yuta and Kun saw the previous singing trio now right before them, all wearing confused and slightly worried expressions.

“Yo, that’s a mess!” Mark commented at all the water on their table.

“I choked,” Yuta plainly stated and Kun nodded, explaining he was helping Yuta out.

“You say you can’t leave us alone, when it’s actually you who shouldn’t be left without a supervision,” Winwin ever so helpfully tsk’ed and Yuta gave him a glare. It melted, though, as soon as Ten leaned over to him, inspecting.

“You okay now?”

At this moment, Kun’s words rushed back into Yuta’s mind and the constantly persistent throb intensified, finally reaching its destination point and becoming prominent in his ears: the beat of a heart. The speed of it and the warmth adorning Yuta’s cheeks as he looked at Ten’s face, one half of it covered in the shadows, while the other stayed illuminated by the light from the screen and playful, colourful lights. Suddenly, his hair looked too soft to touch, eyelashes too close to count, nose too cute to poke… it was as if all these noticeable details finally had a reason to it, dawning to Yuta and, well, it was the moment that one should loudly say _fuck_ , because it fit.

Ten frowned at Yuta’s silence and sort of horrified expression, now looking at Kun instead, “You sure he didn’t hit his head and suddenly forgot everything? Would be inconvenient, I still haven’t memorized our home address fully.”

Mark barked a laugh out, while Kun let out a noise at the back of his throat like he was _not_ the one responsible for this mess, and it seemed to snap Yuta out of it as the man quickly threw in a reply, “Y-You have it written in your damn wallet on a sticky note _and_ I’m fine, thank you.” Now, scrambling to his feet—away, just away from this enclosure, from this spot where everything just seemed to flip upside down for Yuta—he grabbed onto Mark and Sicheng’s arms and pulled them alongside him to the nearest microphone, “Let’s go kids, I will show you how the professionals do it.” Maybe screaming everything out verbally would indeed help Yuta’s screaming mind.

Or at least calm it down, being as further away from Ten as it was possible in this small room, forgetting everything even happened, even if Mark and Sicheng whined at Yuta’s antics, not wanting to engage in their hyung’s pronunciation lessons. Discreetly, while the newly formed trio had their backs to them, Kun and Ten shared a look and something about it hung up a message in the air, that things were about to stray further away from normal.

* * *

Yuta was bad at showing that Kun’s words did not haunt him for days. If he used to stare off, lost in his own head previously, it was almost worrying how more often he began doing it after, to the point one of his students asked if their teacher was okay. Well, physically Yuta was strong as ever—his mentality was the one that had suddenly exited the chat and began misbehaving on its own.

Or was it just cheering? Cheering on the fact Yuta had finally began his first steps at going insane because _you’re in love with Ten_ sounded like a long-awaited breakthrough for it, an explanation to every strange thing Yuta ever felt before and was unable to put a name to? _There_ it was, addressed and wanting to speak more to Yuta, to cover his part in all of this appropriately this time, so there would be another insight in this all. And Yuta, even if absolutely reluctant at the idea, because _he’s my best friend, what the hell_ , as time passed began to understand that it kind of made sense for him. Like, it was not an impossible outcome of things? Of course, when Yuta had never been in a relationship before or did not even remember when was the last time he had a visible crush on someone, it was hard to suddenly label everything as ‘love’ or ‘liking more than a friend’.

At this point, it was unmistakable. Yuta tried distinguishing these feelings as something else and every time something did not fit well, like his—now walking on its own—mind did not even want to consider thinking otherwise. And as much as Yuta tried acting as always around Ten, after the revelation and having given the name to what he felt towards his best friend, it just started being more prominent, the buzz and fuzz, and his heart beating the crap out of his ribcage and the stupid blush for the stupidest things. Like, Ten in the morning, walking in for breakfast with the wildest hairstyle and barely audible good morning behind his yawn? _Adorable_. Ten babying Haruto, talking to it in a mix of all the languages he knew and the cat looking like it understood absolutely everything? _Cute_. Ten cooking, Ten reading a book, Ten drawing, Ten just breathing as he watched TV with Yuta or just about anything with Ten in close proximity made Yuta’s mind yell all sorts of compliments his way. And as hard as Yuta at first tried to push on it all being in a friendly manner, his mind would flip and growl at Yuta for even allowing such a thought. _No, stupid, just accept it._

Yuta liked Ten.

And at that statement, like a conclusion to all his sufferings, his mind sang and Yuta yelled a curse into the empty apartment, covering his face with his hands. His cheeks burned and not from the evening sun, the windows finally covered with fresh curtains. Maybe from admittance and embarrassment, because the man acted like a high-schooler and not a grown-up. But then again, why should one always act according to their age? Like, now Yuta felt like cursing some more, kicking his feet and maybe even launching a pillow at a wall. Haruto yawned at him, sprawled on the armrest of the couch Yuta was currently occupying in their living-room with his head full of thoughts. It had been observing the human for the past hour and honestly, Yuta needed to do something more entertaining than just curse, roll around, flip through the pulled-out album one more time and curse some more.

Honestly, Yuta could deal with him liking Ten more than a friend, really, somehow, he would. But just _when_ exactly had he started feeling this way towards his best friend? When did he start feeling strange? Like, when did he go from liking Ten to like-liking him? All these details resurfacing in more detail just have to have a starting ground somewhere.

Yuta flipped through that album way too many times, trying to find his answer. At one point, even Ten looked at him like he was insane and honestly, yeah, he was, because he was still searching there, where nothing was given to him in a form of answer, only more memories of Ten and his current feelings prevented him from thinking open-mindedly. It would have been better if the spotlight never appeared on these feels, but Kun had already called and apologized a few times. Even if his mind suddenly worshipped Kun for giving it credit, another part of Yuta wished the man had never acted that boldly and precisely on point. He was seriously a magician, who carried a heart of gold, considering he still liked Ten but listened to what Yuta had to say, even advising him to tell the truth to Ten. Yuta felt like crying at those words – _tell him I like him? Ruin our friendship? Influence the relationship between him and Kun even if they are on a break? What if at 0.1 possibility Ten likes me back, what will happen to Kun? Isn’t it making me the villain?_

_“No.” Kun had said strictly, stopping Yuta in the middle of thought-spill over the phone, “You know how dear you are to Ten. I just think that telling him the truth and giving him a chance of comparison between two completely different subjects will allow him to see more clearly if what he feels for us both is platonic, or there’s still a chance for one of us in the end.”_

_“Because, just like you, I wish the best for Ten,”_ Yuta mumbled into the air, one arm over his eyes, the other hanging off the couch, quoting Kun’s words. The world seriously did not deserve a man like Kun. He was not going over and fighting Ten back, because he respected Ten’s decision for a break even with new circumstances, even if it can turn out not benevolent to him.

It suddenly triggered Yuta to a rather unpleasant memory of Taeyong, when they had gotten into another conflict with Ten, during which Taeyong had the nerve to question his then boyfriend’s friendship with Yuta and _was it really only a friendship?_ He remembered how angry and hurt Ten had felt as he retold Yuta all of the accusations and that was the closest Yuta had ever gotten to wanting to go and punch Taeyong in the face. But when now thinking about it – did Taeyong speak really just out of jealousy _or_ there was ground for it? Should Yuta count this as his starting point for then starting to like Ten subconsciously and Taeyong had gotten the whiff of it, like Kun did, just from one long stare?

Yuta had been with Ten for so long, it was particularly impossible to distinguish where it all began, maybe it started in the kindergarten for all he knew. Fact was, this hurt his brain, mind was going wild, Yuta felt like screaming some more and it felt like Haruto was snickering at him – _yeah, like it’s that easy to go to your best friend of more than a fucking decade and tell him you like him romantically, shut up_.

Yeah, he was definitely going insane.

“Are you alive over there?”

Yuta hated to admit he screeched, jumping up at Ten’s suddenly appeared voice, scaring both him and Haruto in the process. Damn it, Yuta did not even hear him unlock the door, what if Ten had walked in on him talking to himself? He was sure the younger man would freak out even more about Yuta’s latest behaviour.

“…yeah, you’re goddamn alive.” Ten answered his own question, staring at Yuta from his spot behind the couch. Yuta was about to curse him out for sneaking up on him like that, but then he saw Ten in his dark-blue work suit, those stupid glasses adorning his face again, sunset falling beautifully onto him and he sucked in a breath. Damn it. “Were you in your mind again, Yu-chan?”

Yuta cleared his throat, “Sort of.” Ten gave him a ‘what the hell is up with you’ look, before bending down to raise a white plastic bag into Yuta’s view.

“Well, may I interest you in returning completely and enjoy this delicious teriyaki chicken dinner I brought together with me?” Yuta grinned, his heart still beating the double of its supposed rate, and nodded.

The two shared a pleasant dinner with Ten babbling about the amount of work today in the company and how there was literally no inspiration for him to design anything assigned, no less the fact that at one moment his program froze and made him lose his progress. Yuta in turn shared his day at school and the fact he needed to arrange new upcoming test tasks, but he felt completely unmotivated. Or, well, busy being lost in his mind, but he skipped that part. It felt good, just sitting and talking about mundane things.

What exactly would happen if Yuta broke this with his confession?

“Hey,” Ten nudged his friend with his knee and Yuta turned his head to him, “It looked like you were about to venture back into your head.” Ten’s glasses were now perched on his head, jacket taken off and his sleeves rolled-up to his elbows. Their coffee table was a mess, much resembling Yuta’s current inner state, but it was a pleasant mess, because their bellies were full.

Yuta sighed. Ten was right about that one. “Sorry,” To distract himself, the man began cleaning up their table, but before he could reach for Ten’s utensils, said man took a hold of his wrist and made Yuta look back directly at him.

“Yuta, what’s wrong?” Ten asked seriously, looking Yuta square in the eyes, searching and oh, oh no. This was the third look that made Yuta shudder and it all started with Haruto, like how stupid did that sound. It was like all these people and _a cat_ knew that something was going on, but poor Yuta did not, well, did not before. Now he kind of did and he swallowed nervously.

“Just a lot on my mind,” He mumbled in reply and Ten’s eyes narrowed. Yeah, he knew that was a kind of lame reply, but then again, there _was_ a lot on his mind and it was exactly the person before him that was the main topic of it all.

“You don’t want to talk about it?” Both Ten’s gaze and his hold on Yuta’s wrist became gentler, “I understand that it might be not my place to pry, but if it really troubles you… maybe I can help… I just don’t want you to close off on me, even if I can’t help.”

Yuta instantly reached for Ten’s hand holding him, grasping it in the hold of his both, “No, Ten, I’m really sorry for giving such an idea to you. There’s seriously just a lot on my mind, a little bit of everything, but I’m sure once I solve it all, it will return back to normal, so don’t worry, okay?”

Ten continued gazing into Yuta’s dark brown eyes with his own browns, like he had a hard time believing it, but eventually, he squeezed a small smile out, “There’s a reason Scorpios are on the last places these days, huh.”

“They are?” Yuta sighed, but he was smiling, “Goddamn it, astrology isn’t making it any easier for me, either.”

Ten laughed as they now both began cleaning up the table after letting go off of each other, “But you know what? Today you’re on the top.”

Yuta deadpanned as he got up to go to their joined kitchen to begin washing the dishes, while Ten sorted out the trash, “Feels like nothing changed, it really is a scam.”

Ten elbowed his side, “Well, maybe if you actually wore your colours and had your lucky item…!”

Yuta chuckled, the water running somehow a calming addition to their homey atmosphere, “Very generous of you to check on Scorpios, how are Pisces doing?”

Ten quietened down beside Yuta and it was only when the latter finished and dried the dishes, placing them in their respectful places, did he realize that Ten had not replied yet, “Ten?”

Turning to the other man, Yuta’s eyes widened seeing Ten just standing there quietly and biting onto his lip, while holding back tears. Everything within Yuta screamed as he quickly turned Ten to face him properly, “Ten, what is it, so suddenly...?!”

“It always turns back around to me and my problems, why can’t I be as strong as you are,” Ten choked out, a few tears slipping out and Yuta was quick to brush those away, worry spiking up more, “I care for your stupid ass, but you just _always_ seem to care more for me and it pisses me off. You deal with everything better, but I just start crying like the fucking Pisces that I am.”

“Ten. What really happened today?” Yuta questioned seriously, while holding Ten’s face in place so the man will not turn it away or avoid the problem no longer.

He sniffed, teary eyes blinking up at Yuta, “I saw Kun after work finished. We walked together for a short while and talked a bit and… and then he left.”

Yuta frowned, “That’s all?”

“He _broke up_ with me, Yu-chan. He left and _left me_!”

More tears slipped out of Ten’s eyes and Yuta momently froze at the sudden news. Kun called off the relationship himself? Yuta seriously lost count of time since how long the two had been on break, but it was not that… long? Then again, what day was today? Yuta seriously lost track of real time because of his mind.

Kun must have had his reasoning for it, but pushing all of these questions aside now, Yuta did the most needed thing now: hugged Ten tightly to himself and allowed him to cry it out. His own feelings and mind danced at the chance, but he willed it to calm down. This was not the moment.

It had become dark outside, when Ten had even appeared to something close as calming down. Both stood in the shadows of their dark apartment, hugging, and it was when Yuta had reached to turn on a small kitchen light, did Ten finally spoke, “That jerk,” Was his mumble into Yuta’s shoulder, barely hearable, “Broke up with me before I could.”

Yuta remained silent, but his question was obvious enough as Ten continued, “He knew I would not end up liking him back the way he liked me. He knew I knew this fact, too, that stupid smart-ass, so he went ahead and just… said we shouldn’t prolong it any longer. But I really considered it, really…!” Ten’s voice became stronger, as some anger swept in, “But being apart didn’t really change anything—whenever I thought of him, I thought of him only as my friend and it angered me, that I would quit everything once more. Like, what is wrong with me? And you know what he told me after he said that’s it, Yu-chan?”

Yuta’s tightened his hold on Ten once he said the next words, “That _another, better man awaits me_ , like, what the hell is that even supposed to mean? Seriously, what a know-it-all jerk, can’t wait to beat him up the next time I see him.”

Yuta felt like he was missing something in this rant, so he slowly pulled away from Ten, still holding him, but able to look him in the face this time, “Wait, how I get it… you’re not really upset about you two breaking up in the end, are you?”

Ten rubbed at his nose before answering, “I’m more upset about the fact I didn’t manage to do it myself, allowing Kun to take the upper hand. I know he waited for my decision and would have respected it, but the longer it took, the more I thought that maybe it will just resolve itself when it would of course not. He understood that, too, so he just addressed it first,” Ten chuckled, “And yeah, maybe I’m a bit upset about the fact my third relationship didn’t work out, either, but at least we agreed to still be friends.”

The way Yuta heaved a sigh of relief, unconsciously also heaving his head, so his forehead touched Ten’s, resembled as if many rocks had been lifted from his shoulders, “And here I thought I would need to run for ice-cream again…”

Ten gave him a tearful smile, “Dummy. I’m sorry for scaring you with my overdramatising.”

“We knew better,” Yuta replied and Ten punched him weakly into the side and the taller man laughed a bit, “I’m just glad I will not need to hunt Kun. He’s a good person and I’m glad it ended on an okay note.”

Ten peered up at him, “It just kinda prickled with me, that he said someone other is waiting for me. But then again, he’s a grounded Capricorn, he knows best,” The shorter man shrugged and Yuta gave him a look of ‘seriously?’, covering that he kind of had a feeling just who Kun meant there, “No, Yu-chan, listen, but he’s like one of the best matches for me, but it didn’t work, just like with the Cancer. Am I cursed fish or something?”

Yuta snorted, letting go off of Ten this time fully, “How about we just already agree that astrology is a scam and call it an end?” He passed Ten a paper towel to clean himself up, also opening a cupboard to search for some sort of a sweet snack. Yuta just knew Ten will need one, anyways.

Ten blew his nose loudly, “It’s not entirely a scam,” He muttered after, looking at Yuta’s profile, “Because I still have you by my side.”

The pack of jelly beans almost slipped out of Yuta’s hold as he closed the cupboard, “Meaning?”

Ten’s face was unreadable as he said, “Scorpios are one of the signs, that match with Pisces.”

* * *

Spending most of what life you got to live so far with constant people in it is hard. How many lost connections to their friends they always saw in playgrounds? How many forgot their classmates, going separate ways, not wanting to remember any of them, having to also live with roommates some barely could communicate with or withstand a group of people one studied or worked with, everything, every time so new, new to the point it was tiring to not have some sort of constant ground?

That was just how life worked, all about new people and new things.

And Ten was one of those, who despite meeting and meeting new people in their life, managed to stay connected to one all this time, constantly turning in for some laughter or tears, support or distraction, deep talks and silly talks, basically _anything_ to the point that if one day this consistency disappeared… Ten would just literally not know what to do. Probably cry, like the emotional mess that he sometimes could be, but then after? He really had no idea.

It was a serious problem, considering Ten was one of those people who constantly broke his special connections. Okay, not just because, there were reasons behind it, but sometimes Ten really thought he was the real problem as a person behind it, not his reasonings or his feelings. Like, what if he was seriously someone who just could not love for long, did not have the capability to stay in one place for too long?

But then the man would look at Yuta and all of these thoughts in the form of cloudy weather above Ten’s head would dissolve into thin air. It was like the constant presence of Yuta alone saved and secured Ten, underlining that he, in fact, was normal and just a human like any of them, with their own quirks and abilities. Yeah, it sucked Ten still could not find happiness in a form of love… or that he made mistakes along this topic… but then again, did Yuta also not bring out the love out of him?

When Ten thought about it, Yuta really did bring out all the main emotions out of him. Happiness when he would see his pretty friend in the kindergarten— _seriously, who the hell is so pretty as a child??—_ and then they would play and chase each other around. Trust, when they would share things or make promises even without securing it with a pinkie, because Ten felt like telling everything and nothing to Yuta— _he remembers more about me than I do myself_. Anger, because Yuta knew what stubbornness was, moreover how correct things should be— _and it annoys me to this day he always knows, but I’m just too stupid to remember, his big head angers me_. Disgust, because _of course_ , Ten would scrunch his nose every time Yuta called astrology a scam— _buddy, I can’t do math, but I can tell you how many years we have spent together, don’t try me_. Surprise when Yuta would actually ask Ten how his day had been predicted by the stars, or when he would randomly bring something home, like with Haruto— _we just secured our financial statutes in this household, what do you mean you’re bringing this poor kitten in, goddamn it, give me it_. Fear, because every time Yuta was somehow late, worry flowed through Ten for actual no reason, because the guy knew his ways around, was a big boy, could fend for himself and yet… maybe it was all about Ten’s insecurities, of Yuta going and not returning one day— _like I ran away, what if he ran away from me?_ And finally, anticipation.

The sense of looking forward positively to something which is going to happen. Did Ten anticipate for things positively with Yuta by his side? Absolutely. Could he anticipate something more? Question.

Laying awake in the middle of the night, Ten had his head full of thoughts about Yuta and how he could anticipate literally any of the emotions above listed and more when he was with him. Every time Ten would get into a relationship, they would bring out a new sort of Ten out of every of them—perfection, hardships, comfort. But with Yuta, with Yuta he stayed all this time for what, exactly?

Tracing the outlines of his sleeping best friend in the darkness with his eyes, Ten looked at Yuta’s calm face beside his own as today was one of those nights when Ten had demanded cuddles. It was a hard day, okay? But yet, he was still not sleeping. Was this how Yuta felt when having his mind full of whatever thoughts, he did not share with Ten? And even then, he found time for Ten in his head.

Ten was serious, when he had said, that they matched. And he would lie, if he said he never tried reading his and Yuta’s compatibility. And he would actually be the biggest scammer ever, if he denied that he liked the results.

* * *

Yuta’s head was splitting in half and the pill he swallowed about five minutes ago was still not kicking in and stopping it. Yuta knew he should be more patient than that, but just for once he felt like throwing all of those papers with messy handwritings before him out of the window with a yell, zero patience in the action. It had been a horrible and unlucky day, and the fact he could no longer prolong the grading of the latest test his students had had him at the final stage of being ‘on edge’ and ready to snap at just about anything. The splitting headache was just an additional cherry on top to it.

Ten felt that Yuta was just about ready to explode the moment he stepped into their apartment. The younger man, who had had a free day of work today, instantly drew out of Yuta’s way to not be an accidental cause of his anger spilling. Even Haruto had trotted its way inside Ten’s room to leave Yuta be. He felt grateful to the two, but at the same time, slightly annoyed. Did that even make sense? Anyways, a lot of things did not make sense to Yuta, but his current focus was on the papers.

And it was terribly slipping past his fingers as Yuta gripped his head in between his hands and read and read the sentences written by his students, some a few times in a row, some even a loud just to keep the focus right there and right now. It would have been smarter to leave the task for later and correct the papers with a clear head, but honestly, Yuta was just _so_ tired, he wanted to get it done right away and crash to sleep after. And was it mentioned he was way too stubborn to back up?

Twirling the pen, half-way through being done, Yuta felt a presence and out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Ten tip-toeing to the kitchen with a plate and a cup in his hands. At the sound of quiet water running, Yuta sighed, returning to muttering sentences under his nose to not use Ten or him washing the dishes as another distraction for his focus to go away. He knew he was being a pain in the ass like this to all of them, so Yuta tried to fasten his work even if his head begged him to stop.

Ten tried to remain as quiet as possible, washing the dishes with way too much care, also whipping the cup and plate to the point it sparkled. It was way too silent for Ten’s liking, it was the moment he wanted to just blast some music and dance, but he restrained his want for even talking in order for his best friend to work. Even if he also wanted to join him in his strange, incoherent mumbles.

“I like you.”

Ten’s heart went up his throat, while his hold on the cup went down, the thing clattering into the sink loudly, but Yuta’s rage, timed with the clatter, finally went off louder.

“’I like you’?? Is this how I’m supposed to read this sentence? Why the fuck are the strokes incorrect, this is fucking elementary level, why can’t you finally get it right!” There was a slam as Yuta put down the paper he was trying to read, taking a deep breath and then exhaling, his head raging with him, “Will I need to put them all through some kind of basics review and turn on a video so they learn how to do it right again because I can’t stand it no more?”

There was another clatter, softer this time and Yuta turned his attention to what looked like Ten trying to have an appropriate hold on his cup, but failing miserably. Yuta frowned, “Ten, is everything fine over there?”

“Y-Yes! J-Just got really surprised, you know…!”

Realizing his mistake, Yuta instantly felt guilty, getting up, “Shit, I startled you, right? I’m really sorry, are you okay?” Ten had finally managed to put that cup in place before Yuta had reached him and when he had faced him, the younger had the apples of his cheeks red, a nervous smile plastered on his lips.

“Y-Yeah, all good, it’s not your fault anyway, it’s just, your words, but uh, anyways, sorry for disturbing you!” Ten laughed in panic, waving his hands in a dismissing manner.

Before he could get his way past Yuta, the other blocked his way and Yuta swore even through his hurting head he managed to notice more panic settle in Ten’s eyes, “Wait, that’s a contradiction, it’s still my fault as I randomly started yelling.”

Ten avoided eye-contact, “I-It was not your yelling, that surprised me, more like, well, the phrase… ‘I like you’,” Ten looked at Yuta, laughing instantly, “My stupid mind thought you meant me there, like, it went ‘he likes me?!?’ and boom, the cup fell, but you just read a sentence and just, um, haha, crazy mind, am I right??”

Yuta looked at Ten like he had painfully hurt him with his poorly conjured sentence and Ten sucked in a breath when the man had just sighed, so done with everything, and took a step towards him. In a way, that face and gaze, it made Ten panic more and he just wanted to get out of there, but here he was, trapped between Yuta and a kitchen counter.

“What would you do if that was truth?”

The whirls inside Ten’s mind screeched to a stop, “Wha—What do you mean?”

“If I told you, that I like you, what would you do?” Yuta grit out, leaning in.

At this point, Ten’s mind was the definition of a keyboard smash as he leaned away, eyes going all over Yuta’s face to see if he was joking or just playing around with him, or was this finally the stage of insanity, that required a doctor help for real? With all the mess in his mind and body, after some painfully long seconds, Ten replied in a tiny voice, “I would scream at you.”

In the depths of Yuta’s dark brown eyes an emotion swirled and the longer Ten stared in suspense, in _anticipation_ , the more it grew and spread until it had finally taken all over Yuta’s face and he backed away from Ten, “That’s what I thought,” He said with a smile and _no_. Yuta’s resigned and tired face, his dejected smile, like he had at last settled his mind, it frightened Ten as he grasped at the counter, watching Yuta walk away in shock. Not this, anything but this.

Taking his jacket, Yuta glanced back at Ten with the same expression, but even more sadness as he spoke this time, “Sorry I jumped at you like that, I will leave and try to cool it down now.”

Ten watched Yuta put that jacket on and disappear around the corner. He listened to Yuta putting on his shoes and he could not stand it any longer as he heard the steps being taken towards the door. His fists clenched, one banging at the counter as Yuta opened the door, setting Ten off as he lunged after his stupid ‘friend’.

Yuta hardly made it out the door, when he felt his wrist being snatched, a strong force pulling him right back inside the apartment he wanted to so desperately to leave. _Congratulations, you ruined it_ , or so Yuta thought as he turned around in shock, the door closing behind him, to face no one else but Ten tightened his hold on him in anger… and desperation?

“Don’t you fucking dare leaving,” Ten began, his voice and whole self shaking, “This apartment and me with our cat, don’t you dare leave, after you just went and did that.” With his free hand, Ten pointed back at the living-room, demanding, “Right now, you’re going to go, sit your ass on that couch, and explain me _everything_ , until all of that shit in your head is finally out in the open and I can tell properly what the hell do _I_ think of you.”

Ten left no room for arguing and honestly, Yuta did not feel like it, nor did he feel like hiding anything at this point, too. And for real, he was just put in a stupor and he had no choice but to follow Ten back inside the apartment. It was funny, how just before leaving, Yuta’s head was still hating him, but at the point, where he finally sat down to tell Ten everything, it calmed down. How unfair of a body he had? But then again, maybe it was for the better, so Yuta would not mess anything up like he almost did.

He told Ten everything, like the man had asked of him. From point A to point B, straight-out, without any side-tracks, what or more like, _who_ was on his mind and what was going on with him for the past few weeks and even before that, of his memories and his realization he liked Ten. Yuta confessed properly this time, admitting his feelings aloud to the person right beside him, allowing his mind to blow confetti and his body to feel the prickling nervousness. Right, he never did this before, made sense he ruined it at first, but then again… were all pancakes perfect, when first made?

Ten had not said much during Yuta’s monologue, but then again, what side comments should be offered about your own self from you? All Ten did is look at Yuta and listen, but when the latter confessed, he had, at last, looked away. And that alone made Yuta squirm.

“I really,” Ten spoke after every single thought of Yuta’s, that bothered him, was out, “Really hate you for putting yourself through this, without sharing at least bits with me. The world is not always about me, you know, it’s also about you, too.” Ten looked back at Yuta, “But I also understand you, because, to me, it’s all about you, too.”

Yuta looked baffled as Ten lowered his gaze, cheeks quickly gaining the colour pink, “When I said… that I would scream at you… I really wanted to. I still want to. But not because of anger or disgust or whatever you have thought of,” Ten’s voice quietened down as he took a deep breath, “It would be out of not knowing what to do, because… I really don’t know. The only thing I’m sure of is that I don’t want you going anywhere out of my life, so if you don’t mind waiting a bit… as I think this through…”

Again, Yuta was left with no room to protest as he nodded and that was it. And somehow, the idea of just staying in Ten’s life, with no answer yet to his feelings, fit just well with Yuta. At least, there was no more shit in his mind indeed. Well, except for the possible rejection, but who knows?

It was days later, as Yuta drank his morning dose of caffeine and scrolled on his phone and Haruto ate his breakfast, that Ten entered the kitchen with a yawn, looking as messy as ever, and making it seem like life was back to normal. He gave a quiet good morning as he plopped before Yuta at the table and latched onto his portion of the warm liquid prepared for him by Yuta, along some light breakfast. It was quiet, morning sun streaming in until Yuta mentioned he was going to the supermarket after and asked Ten if he needed anything. Together, they made a list of things and Yuta was set to go.

“Wait,” Yuta looked up as he petted Haruto goodbye as it came to see him off, after he put on his shoes. Ten was standing a few steps away, looking hesitant and Yuta straightened up, smiling at him.

“Did you remember anything else you needed?”

“Um,” Ten walked up to Yuta, “Sort of? I want to try something.”

Yuta looked at Ten expectantly and the younger man decided to just go for it. Reaching for the side of Yuta’s face, Ten pulled him slightly down to give a quick peck onto his lips. Yuta’s confusion quickly threw itself out of the window as his mind hollered along with his heartbeat. Yuta spluttered as Ten pulled back, a thoughtful expression on his face, “T-This…?!”

“I imagined it a lot and just as I suspected, I don’t dislike it,” Ten brought a finger to his lips, tapping them, “Is it okay if we tell each other goodbye like this now? And in greeting, too?”

“Ten… That’s…” Yuta’s cheeks were red, so red as Ten smiled at him sheepishly.

“I mean, today is a lucky day for Pisces, any negative answers stand invalid, so?”

Yuta let out a breathless laugh, running his hand through his hair, “Ten, what the hell.”

The man before Yuta pouted, “I mean, okay, we can also add in goodnight kisses and, well, kisses in-between animation watching, we hug and cuddle as it, what else do you want? Hand holding? I don’t remember what you, newbies in a relationship, start off with.”

“Oh, dear kami, can you just _say_ it already?” Yuta was trying his best, suppressing his wide smile, but it was hard. It was very hard when Ten was playing with him like this, grinning up at him, his cheeks just a shade lighter than Yuta’s own.

“Yu-chan,” Ten reached for Yuta’s face again, this time with both hands, “Yuta,” His thumbs gently moved across Yuta’s cheeks, eyes overlooking all over his face. Thinking it was alright to, mimicking Ten, Yuta reached to hold Ten’s face in a similar way and the heartful smile he got in reply was all the answers he needed before Ten had finally voiced it out, “I think I might also like you.”

Yuta grinned, “You think, yet are ready to kiss me at various moments _and_ also hold my hand? Aren’t you generous?”

Ten scoffed, “Baby steps, you idiot, but also if you still didn’t understand, I think it wouldn’t make that much difference to our current relationship as we were already into all of this mushy shit, just add in some more, unlock a new level and there you have it.”

Yuta faked a gasp, “New level? You want another cat together?” Ten squished Yuta’s cheeks in annoyance and the man laughed, even if wincing, “I’m joking, I’m joking, it’s just… you’re really okay with this?”

This newfound gaze Yuta directed at him, it was only when Ten had read those stupid compatibilities, did he imagine it happening. He felt like melting and he was sure his heart was beating just as Yuta’s beat for him, “I already said I don’t want you leaving, so it does mean… that I want you in my life for long. And if it means love colouring it somewhere along the way, I really don’t mind it.”

Yuta leaned in slightly more, touching foreheads with Ten, “I knew this would happen.”

Ten glanced between Yuta’s eyes and his lips and honestly, okay, this all in such close proximity after they had admitted to secretly, somewhere deep down, crushing onto each other, was hard to resist, “What?” He asked in a whisper and received the same whisper back:

“You answering positively to me. After all, just like Pisces, Scorpios are just as lucky today, so all negative answers stand invalid.”

Ten’s eyes snapped back to Yuta’s, wide in realization, “Did you actually—”

Yuta silenced him with a kiss. And if Ten thought it could not get any better, it just did. _And_ if you also wanted Haruto’s opinion on the whole exchange— _disgusting, but livable._

And honestly, not only did the cat think so. Everyone, that they met, after starting to fill their memories together as more than friends, thought the same: the right person had finally revealed themselves.

**Author's Note:**

> Did the Author lowkey base the setting in Japan? Maybe. Did the Author use real-life experiences in this? Let's just say Author was low-key Yuta, providing support and comfort for her struggling best friend at the time. Hope the person is doing okay now♥ And for the record - Author loves all of the characters mentioned/used here and in no ways thinks that's how they are, it's just for the storyline!😊
> 
> Pointing out some things, that may appear confusing, or Japan 101 by Yours Truly:  
> 1) ema 絵馬 is a small wooden plaque, common in Japan's shrines and temples, which a person uses to write their wishes/prayers on, asking the Gods/Spirits of the place to grant those. It's usually hung in designed places there and later on ritually burned, "liberating the person of what they asked for". Yuta playfully suggested he should write one for Ten's happiness♥
> 
> 2) In Japanese honorifics, -tono/-dono (named attached) is not commonly used in daily conversations; refers to a person, who has as high rank as the referrer, yet needs respect from the speaker. When Yuta adds a '-dono' to Kun's name, he jokes about Kun being "on the same level as him", who he really respects, even filling in his glass for him firstly. In the aspects of age and knowing Ten for so long as Yuta does, Kun obviously does not fit in and even as playfully referred to as "equal", Kun becomes flustered at being so "high-ranked"😄
> 
> 2.1) Just to clarify: when Kun addresses Yuta as "hyung", he's indeed speaking Korean. This is to imply they use more than one language to communicate, find things in common to bond over and in this household we stan chaotic multilingualism.
> 
> That's it for this story; if you survived the sweet emotional rollercoaster, thank you for reading, kudos or comments are appreciated!😊


End file.
